Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
