I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
