life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
