Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
