So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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