I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
