just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
