I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
