Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
