Where is the hickey?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
