spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
