God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
