We're facebook friends in real life
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
