Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize