Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
