Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
