U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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