He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
