Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
