there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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