That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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