yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
