wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
