FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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