I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I cannot find my penis.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
