wanna go halves on a baby?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
