How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
