May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
