My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Girls should come with a carfax report
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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