I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we made out on top of his cat.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You ate ashes out of my bong
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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