check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im holly from the hills drunk
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
