I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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