Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
