I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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