it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
