textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
