i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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