Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
