I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
