birth control should be required to get into college
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
