fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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