I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
