My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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