Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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