my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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