I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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