mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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