On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
