I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
