I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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