I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
