I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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