that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
