I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
