Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
