I'm gonna have a badass scar
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My life is pants optional.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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