you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
