in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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