god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
