Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
