Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
