real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Welp...herpes.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
