Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize