On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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