I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
