I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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