I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
