You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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