hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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