he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
